


Pizza Girl

by IceLollyBimbo (thecursedtomb)



Series: Pizza Girl [1]
Category: The Locked Tomb Trilogy | Gideon the Ninth Series - Tamsyn Muir
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Crack, Cunnilingus, F/F, Pizza, Useless Lesbians, Vaginal Fingering, pizza delivery smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:21:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27036370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecursedtomb/pseuds/IceLollyBimbo
Summary: Harrowhark Nonagesimus has an important Anatomy midterm tomorrow morning. But her biggest academic rival has other plans, and schemes to disrupt her evening of studying by "pranking" her with a very special, unwanted pizza delivery.
Relationships: Gideon Nav/Harrowhark Nonagesimus
Series: Pizza Girl [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1973209
Comments: 2
Kudos: 44





	Pizza Girl

Friday Night:

 _Ding dong!_ Harrow looked up from the Anatomy textbook resting on her kitchen table, startled by the irritating noise coming from her next door neighbor's porch.

_DING DONG!! DING DONG!!_

The noise got louder, more insistent. Harrow quickly realized it was coming form her own front door! The annoyance was coming from inside her house! She swiftly ran down the hall, and swung the door open. 

“WHAT do you want?!” She demanded.

A startled voice replied “I uhhh, have the pizza you ordered?”

“WHAT???!” Harrow asked again. 

“The big. Sausage. Pizza. That you ordered”, said the sultry voiced deliver girl. “Actually, sausage and pepperoni. But yea…” Harrow reluctantly raised her gaze from the extra large pizza box, up toward the face of the delivery girl. She was startled to see a pair of unnatural, golden yellow, sunrise colored eyes gazing back at her. Those molten eyes were the centerpiece on a gorgeous face, topped off with comically orange hair. An electric shock went down to her very core. She had never seen such beautiful eyes... and as her gazed traveled lower once again, she saw them: massive, bulging biceps. The kind that could crush her flat in an instant. 

She was suddenly speechless...

“Look”, said the sunrise eyed goddess--who had so rudely interrupted Harrow's evening—“I was sent here to deliver this pizza. I am assuming you wanted it? Take it or leave it. But I'd definitely rather give it to you than anyone else in this town, if you know what I mean.” And then she winked at Harrow. Twice.

“EXCUSE ME?” Harrow just stared at the stranger. As if this moronic specimen currently taking up real estate on her porch was speaking a language henceforth unknown to her. She could not comprehend the words "Sausage. “Pepperoni”. And “pizza" at the same time. The only food Harrow craved at this exact moment was knowledge, and revenge. But what did not feed her made her curious. She supposed she did need to eat dinner, if she planned to study all night. So she let the yellow eyed demon into the entryway of her home.

“FINE. Please come in and set it on my dining table. My poor noodle arms are too weak to carry it. I don't lift!”, she muttered sadly to the obscenely buff stranger. And was immediately filled with regret. “What in the ever-loving fuck?!?” She thought to herself. “Why would you even say that out loud, let alone to this freak of nature?!?”...

The freak of nature in question walked swiftly toward her dining table, with the massive, oversized pizza before gently setting it down. “Here is your big. Sausage. Pizza.” She said again. Harrow stated at the yellow eyed moron wondering what kind of substance she could possibly be on. “Is there a reason you’re enunciating those words so specifically?” Harrow asked. The stranger just grinned, idiotically.

Harrow rolled her eyes. “What do I owe you for this pizza I definitely did not order?”. “Nothing”, the freak replied.” It was already bought and paid for by a friend of yours. “Both the pizza, and I are yours for the night”.

“EXCUSE ME?!?” Harrow screeched.

“Yea some rich, purple eyed, vampiric looking blonde chick came in to the pizza parlor as I was getting off my shift. She offered me $500 to personally bring you a pizza. And to then try to seduce you, or some shit. She said you needed to, and I quote ‘get fucked’, and stop being so damn uptight. She also made me promise to keep you up all night to distract you.” The freak explained. 

Harrow knew who must be responsible for this menacing gesture, the evening before one of the biggest tests of the semester-- it was that sex pest Ianthe, from her Anatomy class. Leave it to the tall, sleek, blonde bitch to believe she could ruin Harrow’s chances of a perfect score on their upcoming mid-term test. She could try all she wanted to distract, sabotage, or bribe her way into Harrows heart, and keep Harrow from earning the top grades in the class. It would never work. Harrow had standards. Both academically, and sexually. But if the way her body was reacting to the tall, tanned meathead standing in her kitchen was any hint, maybe they leaned further in this direction. 

Slowly, Harrowhark Nonagesmius formulated her revenge. “So…PIZZA GIRL!”, she shouted, much louder than intended, considering the pizza girl was right there across from her. “What exactly was your seduction plan intended to be?”

“Well, usually my crooked smile and impeccable way with the ladies does the trick.” She said, looking Harrow up and down. But you seem like you’re gonna need a bit of extra effort. 

“I have to ask”, Harrow began. “Why in the world would you ever even agree to this?” You don’t know me. “Well, my car needs some repairs, and I guess I have a weakness for ‘no titty goth witches’, as she described you. I see at least part of that description rings true…”

Harrow was incredulous. It took all her self control not to storm out of the house, and go kick Ianthe’s ass immediately. But, she figured, two can play this game. And she vowed to at least try to have fun with the current situation. Harrow had a hunger that pizza alone could not satisfy. She grabbed one very small slice from the box, then gestured for her companion-- who clearly must be some sort of body builder on the side--to follow her into her living room, toward her couch. 

As Harrow nibbled on her pizza like a skeletal rabbit, she listened to this “Gideon” person describe herself. The two of them actually had a surprising amount of things in common, if you overlooked the muscles, obscene hair color, and areas of study at their university. Harrow figured if she was going to be using the services of an amateur pizza gigolo, she could have done much, much worse. Her last girlfriend--if you could even call her that--had been dead for so long, she was cold in her grave. And Harrow was so so lonely.

Finally, she had had enough conversing. “OK you can stop talking now!!” She abruptly told Gideon. “I’m calling the shots here. You do what I say, or else you leave.” “Sounds good to me!” her companion said. “I don’t know what kind of professional restrictions you have, but if I’m going to have sex with someone, I require kissing. If you aren’t ok with that, this is not going to work.” “Ok, Night Boss”, Gideon somehow said with a straight face. “I am 100% ok with that. Also you know this isn’t my real job...” 

“I genuinely do not care. Just kiss me already, and shut the fuck up!”

“So demanding” Gideon smirked. But leaned in, and kissed Harrow gently. “This is not completely terrible”, Harrow thought to herself. Gideon’s lips were so soft. Surprisingly so. And this felt so good. Holy shit was she lonely and horny. 

Something broke inside her, snapping all of her self-control and carefully held restraint. Harrow went feral. She grabbed Gideon’s face with both hands, and kissed her back as hard as she could. Gideon’s mouth opened, and Harrow swept her tongue against Gideon’s. She started gently suckling, eliciting an obscene moan from the other girl, that sent electric shocks throughout her body. She lunged at Gideon, shoving her backwards, and crawled on top of her to straddle her waist. Which sunk them both deeper into the cushions of her old couch. 

What the fuck was even happening?!? Gideon’s kisses came faster and faster, and Harrow wondered how anything could ever feel this right, and this perfect. She ran her fingers through that ridiculous carrot colored hair, and thought she might cum right then and there, just from the feel of it all. Gideon moaned again, then stopped to catch her breath, before slowly moving a trail of kisses down Harrow’s neck. She needed to feel Gideon everywhere. They were so far apart. And wearing way too many clothes. 

Harrow ripped her shirt over her head, and gently guided Gideon’s hot, wet mouth toward her small perky breasts. Gideon took Harrow’s nipple into her mouth, and sucked. Time seemed to stop for Harrow. There was just this moment, with this strange, yet oh so gorgeous moron touching her, and licking, and sucking. “Fuck, Harrow!” Gideon gasped. “You’re so fucking hot.” Harrow imagined she must be soaked through straight onto Gideon’s jeans. So she swiftly stood up, yanking her skirt and tights off as fast as she could. 

She moved to straddle Gideon once again, but was stopped by gentle hands that seemed twice as big as her own. “I want to look at you”, Gideon whispered. Harrow felt shame and nervousness creep in for the first time since she had answered her door tonight. She wondered how she let herself get into such an uncharacteristic situation. She moved to cover herself with her scrawny arms. But then Gideon pulled her arms back, and said “Don’t. You’re so beautiful.” Harrow stood there, completely naked, being observed by a woman who gazed at her as if Harrow’s body was a buffet, and she hadn’t eaten in a month. If she ever actually allowed herself to cry, she would have teared up.

Gideon reached behind Harrow, to gently cup her ass. She dragged her forward, until Gideon’s face was perfectly level with the apex of her thighs. Gideon looked up—and that carrot haired moron winked at her again—before leaning forward, sticking out her tongue, and gently licking her way up the slit of Harrow’s pussy to her clit. One. Two. Threeee. Gideon slowly stroked Harrow up and down with her tongue, again and again. Like she was that terrible owl from the old Tootsie Pop commercial, counting the way to Harrow’s center.

Harrow’s knees grew weak, and her brain stopped working. “OHMYGOD, Griddle!” She cried out.

Gideon’s expert tongue paused, and she cackled like a witch. Harrow thought it was a truly horrific laugh. She loved it.

“Why the fuck did you just call me Griddle?” Gideon demanded.  
“It’s what I’m going to smash you over the head with if you don’t stop talking, and fuck me right this instant!” 

Gideon lived to serve. She tore her own black t-shirt off, quickly stood up, unbuttoned and slid off her pants, then pulled Harrow back down onto her lap. Harrow tugged off Gideon’s black bandeau bra, and threw it across the room. Finally, she felt her feverishly hot, sweat-slicked skin pressed directly against Gideon’s own. Nothing was between them. But still, she didn’t feel close enough. She was so hungry for more. She would have licked Gideon’s bones, had she had access to them. Harrow reached down between the two of them, and slipped her fingers into Gideon’s soaked black panties. Relishing in the feel of her dripping wet thighs. Gideon gasped as Harrow worked her delicate fingers over Gideon’s clit for a few strokes, before dipping them inside her core. 

Gideon let out another, desperate, gasping moan. “God Harrow. You’re so perfect.” Harrow didn’t believe that, but refused to let self doubt ruin the most fun she’d had in a myriad. She focused on the task at hand, finding her own form of pleasure in feeling Gideon’s inner walls clench and shiver around a her fingers. She thumbed Gideon’s clit, staring into those golden eyes, watching them darken with desire. “You’re mine, Harrow said breathily. Bought and paid for, for me, for the entire night.” Gideon cried out again. “I am yours Harrow. But honestly, you could have had me for free…all you would have had to do was ask”. 

Harrow started, shocked by the words coming out of Gideon’s mouth. She leaned forward and kissed her again, savoring the feel of her Gideon’s mouth on her own. She felt Gideon’s breaths come faster and faster, and sped up her own handiwork. Gideon moaned into Harrow’s mouth, and Harrow bit Gideon’s bottom lip in response, tugging it between her teeth. She bit even harder. Then felt a trickle of blood blossom onto her own lips; she didn’t care. She quickly licked it away, sucking it down as if it was the very essence of Gideon’s life itself. Gideon’s eyes flashed open, staring into Harrow’s own as she came with a gasp. 

“Not that I’m not enjoying this beyond belief,” Gideon said breathlessly, “But don’t you own a bed? I feel like I’m becoming one with this couch”. Harrow laughed, and said “Yes you idiot. It’s upstairs.” Before she could even object, Gideon scooped her up off the couch in a bridal carry, hefting her up into her arms as if she weighed nothing at all. Then started for the stairs. “Wait! Detour!” Gideon said, and turned to head toward the kitchen. She snatched up a slice of pepperoni pizza, pivoted back toward the doorway, and walked toward the stairs. “Don’t bash my head you fool!” Harrow yelped! “Let’s readjust this”. Gideon moved Harrow’s arms around her neck, then maneuvered her legs around her waist. She felt like a nude koala, grasping onto a massive tree trunk. And then Gideon swiftly ran them both up the stairs, and down the hall to Harrow’s room. 

“Holy fucking shit” Gideon said, glancing around at the all black, very spooky themed décor. You really are a Gloom Mistress. Is this your room, or the Crypt Keepers?”. “Shut it, Griddle”, said Harrow, narrowing her eyes at Gideon like a predator animal, starting down its prey. You promised to fuck me earlier. I may have become distracted along the way. But you’re not off the hook yet. You have to do what I say.” “Sure, sure” Gideon muttered. “Stop acting like I don’t want you to boss me around. Like it’s not making us both so wet, we’re soaking”. 

And then Gideon was laying Harrow down onto the bed, reverently, as if she might break. And Harrow was kissing her again. Relishing the weight of naked Gideon on top of her. The feel of her tongue in her mouth, her nipples brushing against her own as Gideon moved. Gideon’s kisses grew sloppier, and wetter, and Harrow relished it. She wanted to drink in Gideon’s entire existence.

And then Gideon was kissing a trail down her neck, with a short detour to suck one of Harrow’s pebbling nipples in her mouth once again. She moaned in pleasure at the feel of it. It was too much, and not enough at the same time. Gideon reached over, picked up her slice of pizza, snatching some of the pepperoni off the top. She placed one thin sliver on top of Harrow’s nipple, then used to her mouth to sloppily nibble the pizza topping off of Harrow’s breast. “What the fuck” Harrow muttered. But it felt so damn good, she didn’t even care. 

Gideon continued her way south, until finally, she was once again burying her face in between Harrow’s thighs, leaving Harrow breathless and incoherent. She felt herself falling closer and closer to the edge. Gideon was just so so good. Harrow didn’t think she could tolerate anything more; it was so much already. She was so very close to feeling overwhelmed. But the ever-observant Gideon read her like a book, and with a glance upward toward Harrow’s face, swiftly slipped two deft fingers inside her. Gideon worked her like a marionette, and soon Harrow was screaming as she came. A rush spreading throughout her body, unlike any she had ever felt before.

Gideon raised her torso up with those massive biceps, and crawled back up Harrow’s body. She kissed her again, and Harrow felt herself melting into the bed. She licked traces of herself off Gideon’s lips, and ran her hands through Gideon’s ridiculous carrot hair once again, massaging her scalp. Gideon nearly purred, eyes shutting in pure pleasure. 

“Why did you agree to do this, Griddle” Harrow asked? “Tonight wasn’t the first time that blonde bitch complained about you”, Gideon explained. She’s somewhat of a regular. I overhear a lot of her whiny phone conversations. But the way she talked about you, I knew I needed to meet you for myself. I was starting to have a little bit of a crush…” Harrow flushed with shock and disbelief. “You developed a crush. On someone you’d never even seen?!” Harrow asked, shocked at the other girl’s proclamation.

“Yes”, Gideon explained. “The fact that it involved taking $500 from her was just a bonus.” Harrow leaned over and kissed Gideon again. “This is the most fun I’ve had since I broke into a tomb at the local cemetery back when I was ten”. Gideon chuckled softly. “That’s pretty fucking weird, but I don’t know what else I’d expect from you, my Midnight Hagette. “ Harrow punched Gideon in the shoulder. “You’re an idiot”, she said sleepily. Then she laid her head across Gideon’s chest, closed her eyes, and they both fell asleep. 

Around 4am, Harrow woke with a start. For the first time in her life, she felt no panic or anxiety about an academic test. She was in the midst of a full on, near meltdown freakout, because she knew she could never lose the girl snoring gently beside her. They may have just met, but Harrow felt it— deep down, their fates were intertwined forever more. She could not let her leave.

She knew then: she was so completely and utterly fucked.

**Author's Note:**

> The sort of crack fic sequel/ Doctor Cam story is here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27038542


End file.
